February 12, 2013

Not bad for Jesus’ age

This work
This work is autistic
It makes you agoraphobic at times
But I wouldn’t trade my intellectual orgasms for the world
I turn ivory towers into scrimshaw
That’s what I do
And there will be moments
Just moments
When someone close, part of the inner circle, sister or a friend
Will touch my shoulder just so gently
And remind me of another pair of hands
The most beautiful I have ever seen
Or claimed
And this body will reel
Dissolve in the quickest crash between memory and a life unlived
Then scoop itself up again
Like a kitten in its mother’s mouth
And continue making scrimshaw out of ivory
Dancing its ass off until it can take no more
My baby smells like a Christmas tree
His cigarette flickers purple in 87Hz light
He chronicles the secret life of a peninsula
And puts broken things back together
He speaks of me the way I would never speak of myself
And I let him
Because, my God, was there ever anything sexier than a man proud of his woman?
And I am not one to lack
I just seldom hear what I don’t already know
Come on, universe
We are burning daylight here
There are fish hooks to be baited, tucked in the corner of a kitchen window
A pier that is lonely without the squeak of my yellow Chucks
A house that misses my moans
And a summer dress left behind so that friends could say
“You know what that means? She’s coming back!”
And so I turned thirty-three.
Not bad for Jesus’ age.


  1. Happy Birthday, dear ;-) It never would have occurred to me that you are younger than me.

    You've come a very long way since 32, ya know. I have come to believe that everyone has that year. The one where they have to decide if they are going to sink or swim. Fly or fall. Stay lost or be found. You are certainly soaring, without a doubt. It's been a pleasure and an honor watching you do it.

    1. Thank you! Yeah, it never occurs to me that you and I might be of a different age until you blog about spanking your almost-adult kids or some such :))) And I think to myself, my goodness, she has raised human beings to independence, and I'm complaining about the bus schedule?

      If this indeed was *that* year, and I love the concept, then I'm thankful I had it so early in my life. Not everyone gets to. Someone is watching over me for sure.

      You're probably having the time of your life - is it there yet? Is it there yet? :)

    2. We had a bit of a scare with an expired Visa. It's been an insane 2 weeks. Several trips to the consulate later (and the threat of jail quelled only after my husband called in a favor), she should be getting on a plane in about 12 hours. The lawlessness and mafia-like mindset of that country is fucking surreal. She's terrified something else is going to go wrong, and I am, too.... My dad swears we should sell our story to a movie producer.

      And truly, it even blows me away that I raised children to independence. I will swear until the day I die that I was simply blessed with amazing kids who turned out amazing despite me, and not because of me.

    3. You're kidding me??? Definitely think about cashing in on the whole lousy experience... I can already see George Clooney scrambling to get his hands on the script. Just whatever you do, don't cast Rachel Weisz or Naomi Watts. So overrated. I was MIA for the past 12 hours working on a conference paper, I hope things are sorting themselves out.

      You sound like me when I try and 'blame' my successes on something external. I would never pat myself on the back, but I am learning to accept it from others :) If I ever have kids, I know whose blog I'll be reading back to front.

    4. I can FINALLY say that she is officially OUT OF PAKISTAN! Holy christ on a cracker, I'm pretty sure I almost shit myself waiting to hear that. Such a long, unbelievable story. But I will say, any movie they make with me as the main character must cast Mila Kunis, as long as they dye her hair blue. It came to me in a dream, you see. I don't understand it, either.

      And honestly, the world would be turned upside down by any of your progeny. You are the kind of people who need to be furthering the human race. You are the kind of people who create humans that change the world.

    5. I can see that. The blue hair and all.

      You know I bite my cuticles, right? Well they aren't getting any better now! :) Excuse me while I go make popcorn.

      And pssst, just between you and me, I agree with the last bit. Not because of me, but because of him and me together. That would be... something out of this world. Just between you and me.

    6. SHE'S HERE!! I just had to come tell you. Because I didn't know who else to tell. Lots of tears. A 33 hour flight with the layovers, she is asleep. She has nothing, no clothes except the ones she was wearing, so we'll be going shopping tomorrow ;-) Like I said, long story. Can't wait to tell it.

  2. Dear Chris,

    And I had been caught up in a journey that challenged my fear and left me inspired. In doing so, dear friend, I was remiss in noting your posting. For that, I'm deeply sorry.

    For you Chris, enchant with the magic of the words that dance from your heart, your soul and radiate upon my computer screen. A happy belated birthday, Chris. Be well, be safe, be happy :)

    In kindness and warmth, your way,


    1. No worries Gary,

      You had bigger fish to fry. I mean, cups to fill. I mean.. this is coming out wrong :) I'm happy things turned out OK even if the stress was through the roof, because you inspired the rest of us by sharing.

      I've been given the gift of time and space to rethink and rebuild things. I am aware that not many have this privilege and intend to prove the universe right when it placed its trust in me. With humility and gratitude all the way.

      Thanks for the lovely wishes, I hope you are enjoying some peace and quiet after the turmoil.


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